Hanna's Home

In the sands

(check out the cute toe nails...)

Dear Hanna,

Remember when you drew a picture for Dido and we put it in the envelope attached to your balloon? Well, mama wrote a letter instead. It was a long letter but I wanted to tell you some of what I wrote to your Dido. Some day I'll help you understand this all.

It's been a year father. How quickly the sands of time shift. Some days it feels like yesterday that we were by your bedside and other days, honestly, it feels like a distant memory on a foggy day. What's the same is how I feel inside... completely at peace. I've come to see the circle of life so fully. What separates me from you is merely a curtain in my mind... getting more sheer as I let go.

I have such appreciation for all that your life on earth contained. You did the very best you could with what you had available to you at the time. This is true for us all. But there's so much more I want to learn from you now. So keeping talking to me, in whatever way you can... through the wind, the stars, a bird, whatever. I know your clever wit.

Show me a sign,
That you paid attention
And deliver it to me
As I least expect.

Let me be thrilled
By my creative powers
But leave me no doubt
That it comes from you.

By the way, I haven't forgotten what you taught me. What matters most...

It's written in the sands.

Love Paula

P.S. Dad, I had a dream about you the other day. You were doing your laps around the nursing station of the 5000 ward holding on to your IV pole. Let me remind you that hospital gowns are open to the back. Do put a robe on next time!

A letter to dad

One of my favourite parts of our trip to the lake was a day in memory of our dad. It's hard to believe a year has drifted by since his passing.  Because we were all out at the lake we had the service in a little church on the hill at the church camp we went to when we were growing up. (Ah the memories...)

There's nothing quite like the acoustics in a little country church.  And my family loves to sing so just being in the company of all of our voices was breathtakingly angelic.

My sister also came up with a brilliant idea for this day. In advance, everyone received an envelope and paper. We were to write or draw whatever we wanted on it as a letter to our dad (and dido). After the church service these envelopes were attached to helium balloons and released into the sky.

I can't tell you how freeing this was. The only challenge was some of us wrote a book, not a letter, so the balloons couldn't get the lift-off they needed. The guys rigged mine with even more balloons hoping that would launch my novel into the air but I suspect it made it into the neighbouring farmer's fields.

What can I say? I love to write. I think this means that I'm just well 'grounded' and the words will be good fertilizer. 

Hanna loved the balloons. She didn't understand that we wanted to let the balloons go. Mama's alway teaching her to hold on to things...

But eventually, after some coaching, she did.  We watched the balloons drift off until we couldn't see them anymore against the rather turbulent skies.

Then, the sun came out and we ended up playing on the beach.

What a powerful day. Tomorrow I'll share just some of the things I wrote to my dad.

Enjoy a wonderful weekend,
Paula

Blue waters

Hi Everyone,

We're back from the lake. What a fabulous time with my cousins, uncles and aunties, Baba and Dido and the puppy, Jessy. Do you like my yellow life jacket? Mama made me wear it after I jumped off the dock and fell into the water. Good thing we'd practised swimming in the bath tub. I managed to get myself to the surface just as mom scooped me out of the water. The water sure was chilly.

But after that, the life jacket came on.  I have lots more pictures to show. So check back in the next few days.

Hugs,

Miss Hanna