Hanna's Home

Happy Birthday Dad

Today is daddy's birthday. He says he's only 27 but we know better. I asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he replied, "to hang out with my ladies."  So hang out, we did.

It is amazing how the greatest gift is time spent with loved ones...doing something or nothing, simply enjoying each other's presence.

We went shopping to buy Brad some new clothes. You know those crazy striped shirts guys are wearing these days? I convinced Brad he could look cool in one of them--no fruity colours, mind you. It seems if it doesn't come in camouflage, it's a hard sell.

Aaaahhhh, yes, he's a hunter at heart. Yesterday, he pondered taking Hanna hunting. We squashed that idea pretty quick. It's bad enough that he drives his quad down the street with his new gun case mounted to it. WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBOURS THINK???

Oh Hanna, your daddy is a good man, with a huge heart.  I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. Seems he's found a new love.

Happy Birthday Dad!

In the now

This past week I felt what I suspect most new parents feel--the colliding of love & loss.

I love my little baby Hanna. She's the perfect addition to my life, exceeding my most tender of dreams. And yet all this life change has caught up with me. And boiled over. Like in the moment you finally grieve the loss of someone dear.

I feel torn. Almost guilty. Such a strange combination of emotions. Making space for the new has me wondering what will happen to the old.

I spoke with Miss Hanna about this. From my darkness, emerged this light. Babies only know about the now. They don't fret about something they did yesterday. They don't look forward to the meal they are having tomorrow. They express how they feel in the moment. Here and now.

Adults, unfortunately, spend little time in the now. We are either glued to memories of the past or so focused on creating stories for the future, we forget that all we have to live is this moment.

I heard this loud and clear.

I can wear the weight of years to come, gazing forward at thousands of diapers and sleepless nights and day care arrangements and school activities and college funds... only to find myself completely overwhelmed before I've barely begun...

Or I can shed this future weight and live the lightness inherent in this moment, enjoying its magic and splendor.

Yes, we must prepare for the future. But, our conversation about burden doesn't need to tag along. It's a choice--one our children will be happy we made wisely.

Alarmed? Not me

I love not setting an alarm clock these days. Somehow it feels like I'm on holidays from my usual life. Except I'm not. This is my life.

"Alarm" is such a strong word. No wonder we dread it. I believe the body is meant to wake up more naturally than from the jolt of an alarm clock.

My mornings have become my sacred time. I wake up naturally just before 6 am, in time to get Hanna's bottle  before she announces her hunger to the world (And announce she will... loud and clear). After a bottle and burps, she returns to sleep and the house is quiet again, sleeping in heavenly peace.

I have a few hours to myself. To write. To think.  To dream.

I wonder what magnificence I shall partake in today. 

The world awaits. Gently. No alarms needed.

Wisdom within

There is no shortage of reading material for the new parent -- great step by step instructions on everything from feeding your baby, changing diapers, calming a fussy baby, massage techniques, development guidelines, tips for healthy sleeping patterns, etc. 

So much advice. So many opinions. Who knows what's right?

We do.

Amazing to me is that so much of the wisdom offered in these books, Brad and I have figured out on our own. Just naturally. Just by tuning in to the wisdom within.  I think each book should have a chapter dedicated to the maternal/paternal instinct -- teaching parents to trust their intuition. Because at the end of the day, that is what usually works best. So we've discovered.

Often we look outside ourselves for answers. Whether it be regarding parenting, personal health, finances, etc, we turn to the experts.  Sure, they can provide great advice. They can also lead us astray.

There is no replacement for what you know to be true for you. Trust that. Claim yourself to be the expert.

In my daughter's eyes

Hanna is one month old today. To celebrate, she and I danced around the living room to Michael Buble's song "Home".  She likes to dance, I can tell. Her eyes open wide and her tiny hands shake with excitement. And then I sang for her "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride. The lyrics seemed so fitting that I thought I'd share them with you.

In my daughter's eyes
I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
Everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light
And the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hanging on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am
And what will be
And though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you'll see
How happy she made me
And I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

And then we took a bath. She is definitely a spa lady.

Runs in the family

Three decades ago, you'd see my mom shopping for groceries in small town Saskatchewan with four white blondies at her side. She had four girls in 5 1/2 years.

Each of us girls now has a daughter of our own. There's also a special nephew to act as big brother for all the cousins.   I'm not sure I'd know how to raise a son. All I know about is girlie stuff--dolls, figure skating, piano and dancing. Just ask my dad. He lived in a household with five women and swore he should have bought shares in Playtex many moons ago given his financial contribution to the company's products. And, he yelped with glee at each of our weddings, knowing that adding another male to the family balanced the teams out a bit.

Hanna fits right into this family. Her cousins, Zach and Jaclynn, love to hold her. And as you can see,  blondies run in the family.  Hanna can't wait to meet her other cousins in September.

Picture perfect

When I am asked about adoption, I feel my heart expand. I feel like we've been blessed with the picture perfect version. 

The process of open adoption is accompanied with a sense of honesty and transparency right from the start.  Full medical and personal information is shared both ways. The child is at the heart of all decisions. And immediately, you feel an instant love for the extended family you have created with the birth parents.

I will admit I wasn't always this comfortable. When we started on the adoption path in Feb 2004, I really didn't understand how I would relate to future birth parents or how much contact I'd want with them. I saw it as a "we vs. they" relationship, no doubt stemming from the secrecy in closed adoptions you hear about. (Hollywood sure does jade you!!!)

Open adoption is one of those things you have to experience to fully understand. It's like parenting with a twist of lime.  Now, I can't imagine not having a relationship with the birth parents. I look at Katie and Landon (featured in this beautiful picture) and I see so much of them in Hanna. They are a part of her and she is a part of us. We are all one.

It's picture perfect, if you ask me. I look forward to involving them in our lives so Hanna experiences the fullness of love that surrounds her.

One day at a time

Dear Hanna,
Mom and dad got married four years ago today. We knew then that having children might be a challenge. But, we decided to take things one day at a time. We had no idea what was in store for us.

Then along comes Miss Hanna and our world completely changes. To quote John Lennon, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

You are such a gem, my baby. You teach me to savour life one day at a time...moment by moment... baby step by baby step. Keep on smiling. Life is good.

Many hugs and kisses for you!

Employee-in-training

Brad has hired a new employee recently to assist with his metal fabrication business, Iron Edge. She accompanies him to and from the city when he needs to pick up supplies and drop off finished projects.  She acts in more of a supervisory capacity, calling the shots from the back seat.

Occasionally we catch her snoozin' on the job (must be the sound of the diesel truck), but overall she's catching on really quickly. She's put in a request for properly sized gear. We're working on that.

Everything pink

We've been busy the past few days experiencing the most amazing generosity from friends and neighbours. On Thursday, the lovely ladies around our block hosted Hanna's first party to welcome her to the neighbourhood. What a great celebration for mom and Hanna--an evening out for just the girls. (Daddy worked in his shop...)

From pink sleepers to socks, sweaters to booties, Hanna was showered with everything pink. She wears the colour well. Don't you think?

A big thank you ladies! We also can't wait to use the high chair and exersaucer!